Now that I have scored both jabs for my C-word vaccination, I thought I would share some top tips on getting through this process.
Step one. Ignore any Spanish members of your family who believe that Bill Gates has (a) engineered advanced alien-level nanotech technology (b) developed a serious interest in tracking you with it (c) hasn’t realised there’s a pre-existing device carried around with you 24 X 7 which already does a fairly good job of this, anyway.
Step two. Don your best blue Captain America shield T-shirt.
Step three. Visit local vaccination centre, and when the nurse questions why you are wearing a blue Captain America shield T-shirt aged in your mid-fifties – tell her that is never too late to volunteer to take the serum to become a super soldier and fight for world freedom, and American freedom in particular.
Step four. When the nurse questions your sanity and patiently tries to explain that this is the C-word vaccination, and not an experimental Stark Corporation serum developed by Dr. Abraham Erskine, wink at her, and say “sure it is” in your best sarcastic voice.
Step five. Don’t try the patience of the medical staff any further by asking how soon it will be after the jab before you can lift cars and toss them at supervillains.
Step six. Retire gracefully.
I thank you.