I have a theory, and some might call it a conspiracy theory, although since it’s private to me, don’t expect to find it floating around any of those tinfoil hat web sites next door to ‘Elvis is alive and hiding in a Fort Knox sub-level’ or ‘JFK faked his assassination to retire and become a house painter in Alabama’.
Mine is that experiments at the Large Hadron Collider which opened in 2008 knocked the multiverse off course, and dropped me into a strange mirror universe which has increasingly got odder as it has grown more and more out of kilter with normality.
First, I became a fantasy and science fiction author, which is obviously a very silly idea. Next, several strange wars and political events were arriving in fast order which seemed statistically daft.
Now I find myself living in around about episode three of Fear the Walking Dead while expecting to emerge from my house’s bunker in about five months into a new great depression, a collapsing EU, and a fierce Cold War between China and at least some of the NATO powers.
Now, I know that one of you $%^$%^^ers out there is in on this experiment, and understands where the portal is that gets me back to the universe where I co-founded Facebook and married Scarlett Johansson and drink coffee on Friday mornings with Elon while giving him my invaluable insights about a Mars settlement.
I’d really quite like you to tell me where the dimensional rift is before the alien invaders arrive next year.