Thanks, DPD. I have been waiting at home for eight hours having taken the day off work, sitting in my home office watching the road, when what do I spy, a DPD delivery van driving past my house with your driver clutching something in the air inside the van. A GPS unit, I wonder. Are you lost? Should I run out and flag you down? Then the van drives off. Oh well, I think. A coincidence. Must have been a different driver with a different parcel.
Then, five minutes later I get an e-mail with this message . . .
“Sorry, we were unable to deliver your parcel as there was no one present to sign for the delivery; we left calling card number.”
And I twig what’s really going on. Too busy to stop and deliver. Probably paid shit wages and on an impossible schedule, so drives past, takes photo of my house, makes no attempt to stop and knock because that’s five minutes his overworked arse can’t afford to spend.
Well, here’s a message back for DPD. Your driver didn’t try to stop. He didn’t even leave the calling card message – that was as &^$%^& fictional as my delivery. But I have wasted my entire day waiting for somebody who seems to think their job is to take a digital photo of my house and sod off.
Note to Richer Sounds and anyone else thinking of using DPD to deliver your products – find a delivery service that aren’t employing what look to me like underpaid, overworked drivers.
Find a delivery service where the company thinks their job is something more than wasting a day for a self-employed worker, depriving him of a day’s income, and taking a picture of my house to e-mail to me as supposed proof I’m not in.
Update 1 – Misery Loves Company: Check out hashtag #DPD_UK on Twitter or read the comments section below any post at https://www.facebook.com/dpd.uk – hundreds of angry comments from fuming DPD UK customers in the same boat as me. Multiple missed deliveries by DPD and customers at the end of their rag.
Richer Sounds are now going to get the delivery sent directly to one of their stores to redeliver to me via their own staff, which is a nice save by them (the chain store has a very good recommendation by Which Magazine for customer service, which is why I used them).
But %^$& me, what a palaver. We can land a space probe on a comet millions of miles away, but getting a package delivered by DPD – aka GeoPost UK Limited – means missing a day’s pay, wasting the day, then losing a second day, and the courier firm equivalent of dealing with the Keystone Cops. I’ll have to watch out for one of the DPD drivers getting out the van, the doors falling off, and giving his red nose a tweak. Honk honk.
Is it just me, or is 21st century existence turning into an Apple-branded version of Brazil, the 1985 film directed and written by Terry Gilliam? Technology that doesn’t work half the time, is too complicated to use the rest of the time (and is upgraded weekly with a new interface if you try), layers of bureaucracy, and where a call to your utility company of choice (or any other organisation) to sort out any issue you care to mention becomes a Kafkaesque journey towards a drooling, rambling Colonel Walter E. Kurtz at the other end of the tunnel?
Is this how the world ends, my son? Not with a bang. But with a million tiny requests over a premium rate phone line, to fill out a form on a non-existent web page using a mobile browser that no longer supports the non-depreciated form of Flash.
I’m either getting old, or the world is getting seriously %$£^&*. Maybe both at the same time?
And here’s a video of another happy DPD customer, Kevin, in the same boat as the rest of us. Like, what you said, Kevin. Warning … contains some serious f-word venting.
And here’s video of the DPD CEO addressing his organisational synergies.
Update 2: Just heard again from Richer Sounds on the next day. Seems like DPD are screwing around with them too, refusing to re-deliver the package until some date in the way distant future . . . oh, DPD. A delivery company who won’t deliver is like a pencil without lead – pointless.
Good old Richer Sounds are going to send me what I ordered from alternative stock and put it in a cab to me from their nearest store (they’ve had to write off the DPD delivery as a bad job). That’s why I love Richer Sounds. And why nobody in their right mind should ever have to suffer DPD’s comedy delivery service again.
Update 3: And Richer Sounds were as good as their word. A smiling private minicab driver knocks on the door with the package for me, slap bang in the middle of the two hour zone I was told to stay in for. Thank-you to Tom at Richer Sounds Customer Support for bypassing the useless ^%$%s at DPD. I hope you manage to get your original package of goods back from DPD one day this century. My pain with DPD has ended. Yours has probably just begun.
Trying to find DPD contact details that don’t include their automated-circle-jerk-charge’ya-we-saw-you-coming so-called ‘help’ line is like trying to pry out the location of the CIA’s long hidden Pakistan Station, but given I am now picking up lots of traffic from fellow DPD victims, here’s what I’ve dug up as a public service to you . . .
Basic DPD Details to chase them.
DPD’s web site says they are owned by laposte.fr – basically the French equivalent of our privatized Royal Mail. This explains a lot – the old legendary French customer service ethos at play in the UK. The Gallic shrug of the shoulders and low muttered ‘Casse-toi, rosbif !’ at le café table of life.
The current directors of DPD as listed by Companies House are David L. Adams, Paul-Marie Chavanne, Dwain M. McDonald, Charles M. Shiels, but I’m not sure how much good complaining to this lot will do, given they’re likely dancing to the tune played on Laposte’s grand corporate French Accordion.
Here’s some UK HQ details to try, anyway, if you fancy a laugh. Maybe they’ll tell you they’re re-engineering their core processes and systems to up-scale their customer engagement model.
0121 665 3343
0121 500 2500
0121 698 3783
DPD HQ address
DPT Depot List
10 West London 0208 978 3843
28 Commercial Way
11 Woodford 0208 498 8643
Unit 1, Woodford T/E
12 London South 0208 243 3606 Unit 1
Beddington Farm Road
Off Purley Way
13 Kings Cross 0207 391 8646 101 Camley Street
14 Dartford 01322 625643 Unit 3
20 Kennett Road
15 Crawley 01293 893647 Whitworth Road County Oak Way
16 Chelmsford 01245 232093
Chelmsford2: 01245 232056
Dukes Park Ind Estate
18 London Bridge 0207 394 3968
19 Isle of Wight 02380 344644 Unit 1, Enterprise Way
Somerton Business Park
Isle of Wight
20 Maidstone 01622 714646 Unit C
Riverside Business Park
New Hythe Lane
21 Southampton 02380 258646 Unit F
Omega Enterprise Park
22 Dunstable 01582 470643 Unit 16
23 Reading 01189 232643 Units 1 – 3
24 Newbury 01635 812643 Hambridge Lane
25 Gloucester 01452 727196 Jessop Court
Waterwells Business Prk
26 Leicester 0116 250 1606 28a Centurion Way
Meridian Business Park
27 Bournemouth 01202 850300
Unit 1 & 2, Arial Park
Uddens Trading Estate
28 Geopost Wembley
(Park Royal) 0208 601 7643 Unit 2, Athlon Road
30 Birmingham 0121 665 3343
31 Thetford 01842 855646
10a Burrel Way
Stephenson Ind Est
32 Rushden 01933 414645 Unit 17, Norris Way
Sanders Lodge Ind Est
33 Peterborough 01733 842643 Empire House
Westwood Ind Estate
34 Cardiff 02920 772643 Spring Meadow Ind Park
35 Bristol 01179 415605 Units B1/B2
St. Philips Road
36 Exeter 01392 449643 Heron Road
Sowton Ind. Estate
37 Cornwall 01872 574643 Victoria Business Park
38 Swansea 01792 704643 Unit 1, Wyndham Court
Swansea Enterprise Pk
(West Coast Express) 01179 374700
Pucklechurch Ind Estate
40 Manchester 0161 777 4606 Northbank Industrial Est
41 Nottingham 01159 777646 Unit 8
Centurion Business Ctr
Blenheim Ind Estate
42 Leeds 0113 292 5642 Network House
43 Warrington 01925 605646 Unit 20
Stretton Green Ind Est
44 Abergele 01745 357843 Unit D
Tir Llwyd Ent Park
45 Preston 01772 662606 Millennium Road
Millennium City Park
46 Sheffield 01142 572647 Unit 2
Thorncliffe Ind Estate
48 Stoke 01782 578643 Unit 21/22
Parkhouse Ind Est West
Newcastle Under Lyme
49 York 01904 476642 Plot 5, Centurion Park
50 Glasgow 0141 305 3643 104 Fullarton Drive
51 Edinburgh 0131 335 4043 Unit 23
52 Aberdeen (Express) 01224 878686 Ocean Trade Centre
Altens Industrial Estate
54 Newcastle 0191 402 5643 Unit 4
Monkton Business Park
55 Carlisle 01228 829643 Unit 2
Kingstown Ind Estate
56 Glasgow 2 01698 811235 Unit 3
71 Dublin 00353 18425122 Unit 53
Airways Ind Estate